Part XXII of Why Youth Sports Umpires and Referees are Calling it Quits!

A fellow umpire once described to me a coach who was in his words, “The nicest, most polite, pain in the ass I’ve ever seen”. Usually if a coach is “a pain in the ass” to an umpire, the coach is mean, nasty, unpleasant, or whatever adjective you can think of to describe how the coach makes the umpire think “I’m giving up umpiring because listening to coaches like this bitch all the time just isn’t worth it!”

Imagine a coach constantly complaining, with fire in his eyes, and a harsh, angry tone to his voice, saying things like:

“You called a strike at his ankles!”

“You called a ball, and it was right down the middle!”

“You called him out, and everybody except you saw that he was clearly safe!”

“You called him safe, and he was out by a mile!”

None of these proclamations by coaches require using a lot of imagination. Umpires hear this crap from angry coaches all the time. But what if the same words were said to the umpire in a calm, ultra-polite, almost “zen like” soft-spoken tone of voice, accompanied by a warm, friendly smile, and always prefaced by the words, “But sir?” A fellow umpire experienced a coach several years ago who throughout the game continuously complained to him, but did it nicely like this:

(With a warm, friendly smile) “But sir, you called a strike at his ankles.”

(With a warm, friendly smile) “But sir, you called a ball and it was right down the middle.”

(With a warm, friendly smile) “But sir, you called him out, and he was clearly safe.”

(With a warm, friendly smile) “But sir, you called him safe and he was clearly out.”

In the opinion of this umpire, this was still aggravating as hell to listen with, although certainly “kinder and gentler” than usual. Actually, it was even good for a few laughs after he heard “But sir” for the twentieth time.

Next time I’ll talk about coaches who simply don’t know when enough is enough and it’s time to throw in the towel, wave the white flag, surrender, or just give up and call it a day.

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Randy Corwin is a veteran Massachusetts youth baseball umpire and author of the book, OBNOXIOUS PARENTS AND RUTHLESS COACHES, which is now available at Amazon Books, Barnes and Noble’s online bookstore, and at Escape Into Fiction in Franklin, MA. This post is part twenty two of a series of articles based on the book.